Wednesday, February 20, 2008

concentrate on who is important

I have a very active imagination. I prefer books to movies because what I picture in my head is much more realistic that what movie format is limited to.

This is not a benefit when you wake up in the middle of the night to some discomfort and feel a lump.

Until you can get to a DR, imagination is not your friend. In fact, imagination races about a littl faster than the speed of thought.

It was a long 36 hours.

During that long 36 hours, it took intense concentration to visualize erasing my mind and replacing all thoughts with the image of Kat. Or Wife and Kat. Imagine. Erase. Kat smiling at me. Imagine scenarios. Erase (mentally wipe a board clean so it is white) Picture Wife smiling at me, holding Kat. Kat giggling when you tickle her tummy. Imagine what if. Erase. Kat laying on my chest, smiling, grabbing my nose.

This has been a difficult week. I am trying to figure out what I want to do differently. I want to be meaningful, appreciated for my efforts. I have stuff to get done so I can clear time to raise my family. When HP sends you a little message to get your attention, pay attention to the message. HP leaves it up to you to act. We are in control of our destiny.

And the doc said it could be a couple of things. It might have lasting effect. We will watch it for awhile. Hoping for the best, but even the worst isn't life threatening. In that context, it is no big deal.

No excuse!

I have been pretty busy lately. My blogging is one of the first things to go. I have been working on issues at work and trying to control my own destiny. Since I am not CEO, it is not as easy as I would like. But I work at it. I want to be able to really enjoy what I do and sometimes it is hard to enjoy interdepartmental politics. And controlling your leadership. Anyway.

School has been taking up quite a bit of time, when I am not working. I just finished midterms/ papers. Now I have two more weekends of class and one week of classes everyday (4/7-11/08) and I will be done. April 11, 2008. Around 430 pm. I am really looking forward to it. I met with my study group tonight. After two hours of working on one problem, we are most of the way thru understanding it. So now we can solve it. Tomorrow we meet for another two hours to discuss and outline our paper.

On a side note, someone posted a sign the other day that read "your teacher can always tell when you have done your homework on the bus on the way to school." This makes me laugh because someone who is a pretty good procrastinator told me that there is nothing wrong with waiting til the last minute, as long as you get it done on time. Last Friday I started my paper around 2pm. It wasn't due until 8AM Saturday. And I had class all evening. So I wrote most of it between 1030 and 1AM. (Which was kind of convenient cuz Kat was sick and not sleeping well. So I could go and put her back to sleep and let Jill sleep.) I already have my grade back for that paper, 100%.

This is completely opposite of Wife, who always works ahead. If she isn't a week ahead of her schoolwork, she tends to get a little cranky. A couple of weeks ago, I got a sitter for the day and invited Wife to go to a movie with me, get out of the house for a bit. I got turned down because she wanted to work ahead in Algorythms. Hmm. I knew I ranked below Kat, but below homework?

BTW, I am one of the few people I know that really like snow. And while I might be getting a little tired of hiring the Bobcat to come and clear my drive, I hope we set a new state record for snowfall this winter. I am really hoping for at least another 16 inches on April 7, 2008. As long as it is gone by April 11.

Friday, February 15, 2008

It matters to me

Sunday afternoon I flew to S.Jose. Wednesday evening I got to see Kat for the first time in days. I was SO PUMPED to see that little smile. And to welcome me back properly, she waited til we were sitting on the couch bouncing and playing. She grinned at me..... And barfed. Again. "Welcome home, Daddy"
Fast Forward to Thursday night.
Not once. She didn't spill on me once last night. I fed her, played with her, changed her, bounced her, hugged her, and let her fall asleep in my lap. Not once did she barf on me. I realize that one day doesn't make a trend. But it might be a start.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Gratuitous Girl Pics

I think she is pretty doggone cute for a Kat. With Kangaroo ears.

Never Lost

Well, hardly ever.
I am in S. Jose today where it is a sunny 68 degrees. After a slightly frustrating morning I decided to head back to the hotel. And rather than rely on a map I trusted myself to find my way back, much as a carrier pigeon finds its way home. And I did. Admittedly it took an hour to find the hotel. and I had to backtrack to the office. It did take an additional 20 miles to make a 4 mile trip. I drove around tonight afterwork, trying to re trace my lost route. I came to the realization that I drove around in a circle, always making a left turn because I thought THAT was the interstate I didn't want to go past.
Ever been in S.Jose? Or any big city in CA? There are about eleventeen different overpasses and underpasses and make a passes in this town. But every time I came to one, I turned left (hey, made sense at the time) because I didn't think I wanted to go beyond that one.
I normally do have a good sense of direction. And I can usually find my way back somewhere if I have been there once. But "I ain't as good as I once was" (to quote T.Keith)(Hey, there is another word that doesnt' follow the rules - I before E except after C unless it sounds like RAIN, just like weird).
Where was I? Oh, yes. While I still have a pretty good sense of direction I got to enjoy the LONG way back to the hotel today.
I understand it is snowing back in Eastern Iowa. Sorry 'bout that. I am not exactly comfortable here, either (another one!) First, I cannot pick up and snuggle Kat. On the bright side, this is TWO days in a row that she has not barfed her supper on me. Second,I cannot snuggle with Wife. That is tough. We have snuggled just about everymorning between snooze alarms for 14.6 years. Third (hold your tears) The Air Conditioning in the hotel isn't as good as I would like. Kinda loud and a bit warm.
More later, I am off to the pool, er, gonna do homework.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Kind of a long day

Wife woke me up several times last night. Only fair, cuz Kat woke her up last night. A couple of posts ago I talked about Kat being healthy. Now she has some sinus junk going on that makes her not sleep well. She cannot breathe when she is laying down. Her solution - don't lay down. Unfortunately, her solution is hard on all three of us. Even Maddie seemed tired this morning.
I am in a hotel room in Silicon Valley. I was supposed to fly CID to Minn, then to SanJose. But my flight was canceled due to routine maint. Northwest is horrible about cancelling flights from CID to Minn. and they give the most lame excuse. Scheduled Maint. right. It all balances out, I got here thru Texas.
Just before I left this morning, I pulled Kat on my lap for a 10 minute hug. I don't know that she needed it, but I sure did. I have travelled a couple of times since she was born. But this time, leaving really bothered me. I smelled her hair and felt her soft skin and just HELD her. Soaking up the touch until I get to see her again. She most likely won't even be aware that I am gone. But I am very aware that I won't see her for two more days.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

enough is enough

my plate of spaghetti;
School, work, maintain my half of household, new wonderful baby, husband, board member for club, laundry, no atm card, biz travel, truck in shop, $$ concerns, snow, ice, garage flooded and frozen. oh, groceries, overweight, need a haircut. bought a gas stove before I ran a gas line. selling guns to pay for stuff. valentines day. meet with builder for addition. finish roof expansion. antenna for awesome tv. work projects for job with no definition other than 'don't fail'. clean garage, clean red room.
her plate of chow mein;
mother of wonderful baby, work, school, do all the housework, read to baby, raise baby, wife, laundry, her half of household, $$ concerns, snow, husband insane, snow everywhere, ice everywhere, retirement planning. Gas stove in freakin' dining room, waiting for gas line. buying clothes for next winter while on sale. look at horse, convince kman to fence in yard.
our cup runneth over. I swear one more thing and I will lose it. I stopped making fuel, cut back on hobbies, don't visit buddy, haven't met with builder. At least April 12, school will be done and I can watch Kat full time while Jill is in school.

sick of daddy

Seriously. For the last two weeks, Kat has puked her supper up on me.
Sometimes I am holding her in my arms. Sometimes she is sitting on my lap. But whatever the position and relationship, she manages to upchuck on me. Sometimes she has just eaten. Other times she at an hour before. (nasty)
Why? What is it about me that makes her need to regurgitate the contents of her tummy on me? (I am grateful that she doesn't do it in the morning when I am dressed for work)(So Far)
She is an absolute joy. She smiles at me. She smiles at Maddie. She laughs at everything.
But every evening for the last two weeks, she has barfed on me.
I swear she pukes more than a freshman in college.
Right now, I have a big stain on my pantleg from the two ounces she ate as soon as she woke up from her nap.
Does any one else have a 7 mo. old hurler?

Wednesday, February 6, 2008


This is Jill. I just want to make something very clear. I offered to make Kevin eggs etc. when he came in from shoveling. AND I made him 10 DOZEN chocolate chip cookies. And I watched Kat for a couple hours so he could take a nap . . . the list goes on.

Just wanted to make sure that Kevin didn't give everyone the wrong impression.

Staying at home during the snowstorm, we did the usual . . .made hot chocolate, watched Groundhog Day, made the cookies. Also played with Kat, who went through 3 sets of clothes. One of them was a camoflage onesie that Kevin had bought her, and she had a #2 blowout in it. Could see that she had a blowout, but couldn't see it on the onesie, it was all camo.

Just to make life even more interesting than what it has been already. . . I told Kevin that I am very interested in seeing the 1/2 Arabian, 1/2 Appaloosa filly that is for sale. Just what we need, something else to take up our time. But it is something that we have wanted for a long time.

Is it going to snow some more?

OK, it snowed today in eastern Iowa . A LOT. Two days ago, I shoveled tire paths to the end of the lane. This morning, I woke up to about 8" of snow the length of my driveway. So at 530 this morning, I started shoveling. And shoveled. A LOT. I shoveled the entire concrete pad in front of the garage. Then I shoveled all the way to the end of my driveway, out to the scrawney bushes that mark the beginning of the circle. The snow sat on top of about 1/2? of slush. So each shovel full weighed about 15 pounds. At first. I effectively 'shaved' the slush down to the ice while I shoveled this morning. I had to stop every few throws to knock the ice pack out of the shovel bucket. I got so hot I pulled the hood off my jacket to let the steam escape. The whole time it continued to snow. Hard.

At 645, I came back into the house.

So with the driveway shoveled clean, the lane to the road still had not been plowed. I told Jill it would be a while before the trucks got here to plow the lane. So I went and showered and dressed for work. I was sitting down to some cereal, since I hadn't had breakfast yet, and I get a Text from my boss. A) it is snowing. B) she was at work (implying it couldn't be that bad out). Good for her.

Jill and I got Kat in the car and headed for Daycare. The VW is so low to the ground, we plowed the lane down to 8". Then we discovered the county road had not been plowed. In fact, the four lane had not been plowed. We couldn't tell where the shoulder started or where lanes were. And we were the only people on the road. Once we got to Springville (4 miles, 25 minutes) we turned around and went home.

All the while, it still snowed. Hard. At times, hard enough to interrupt my internet connection to the house. Hard enough to declare a snow emergence at work to allow people to go home if they didn't feel safe. I don't know when they last did that during the day.

Around 330 it quit snowing and I had another 8" of snow on my driveway. And I got a TM from a friend. "just shoveled -- dying now" And they have an itty bitty driveway. Must be outta shape from sitting in meetings all day.

So I dressed to go back out and shovel the driveway.... Again.

But just as I got ready to start, a neighbor up the road stopped with his skid steer. "Hi there! Lotta snow, eh? $35.00, me and the machine can take care of this for you."


He cleared the concrete pad, he cleared the entire drive, he dragged the truck out from where it was stuck, then cleared that area so I could park it there. It took 30 minutes. Worth every penny. If he hadn't stopped by, I don't think I would have gotten it done before nightfall. As it was, we finished everything off in time to take some pics of the sun going down over the hill, thru the trees.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Isn't this special?

Kat woke up this morning at 3:07 AM. That isn't so strange as she did the same thing Monday morning. What is strange is that I was already awake, So I got up and tried to get her to go back to sleep. This is a significant accomplishment for me as I got out of bed before sleeping wife really woke up. This is maybe the second time I have managed this feat since we brought Kat home. Fast forward 10 minutes and she was awake again. So I went and found a different pacifier, plugged her in and soothed her back and quietly snuck out again.
Unfortunately, twice down and up the stairs has the effect of waking me up. Sure, I fought it. Laid in bed, closed my eyes. Controlled my breathing, pictured myself asleep with no worries. Rolled to a more comfortable position. Mentally relaxed my muscles, starting with my toes and working my way up to my brain. Pictured a calm summer sky toasty warm with no direct sunlight, sky getting dark. Rolled over to snuggle with sleeping wife. Started thinking about work. WORK. No, not work. Relaxing hammock. Beach in Hawaii. Power point presentation that needs to be modified by Wednesday. NO! Thinking about installing a banister on the stairs for when Kat gets bigger. Wait, what about sleep? I just went to bed at 1010 last night. Roll on my back and controll my breathing and think about....... What if I extrapolate the PPV from last year, add to it the price increase we avoided in November and continue a linear growth for the other divisions (cuz lets face it, we aren't doing any less business with any of the other divisions anytime soon) and cut SD to 25% of '07? That might work. Plus, don't forget to take the dog and pony over to Brian so he can see the show and offer his input on the color of background and size of font for the bullets for the presentation.
Kat is still asleep. Sleeping wife is asleep. I can hear the dog snoring. I, however, am awake. Thinking about what my boss (slave driving perfectionist) said about writing up a business case of why I want a part time specialist working with me to follow up with the programs that need to make changes and so far haven't. (See sidebar about dragging people to face things they rather wouldn't) Present case to boss, present case to boss' boss.
Quietly get out of bed. Come downstairs. I could remote into my desktop at work. At 4:15 AM. Or I could blog, keeping a little bit more of my time mine. Just because I am thinking about work doesn't mean I need to go to work now, does it? Besides, going to work in a pair of sweat pants and a robe is just a bit weird. (come to think of it, why is weird spelled that way? isn't it 'i' before 'e', except after 'c' unless it sounds like 'rain'? weird doesn't sound like rain)
I wonder if my alter ego, Senor Director Kevin wakes up at 4 AM and thinks about work? I hope so. I have maybe a half dozen projects I am thinking about. He has a hundred people working on a half dozen projects that all need to come together.
Well, it is almost 5AM. I suppose I better get ready for work.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Everybody is healthy and Kat is scootin'

I was just looking over some older posts and came across the 'nebulizer Kat' picture. I am happy to say (knock on wood) that everyone is healthy.
Yesterday, Gma Pat was here to watch Kat whilst Jill and I did homework and worked on stuff around the house. While she was here playing with Kat we noticed that Kat is starting to scoot around. Now she has been scooting backwards for quite a while. She has backed herself into a corner a number of times where she cannot get out. Then she cries for help. She also rolls over all the time. She will go from one end of the living room to the other by rolling over and over.
But now, she is getting up on her knees and elbows and getting one or two forward scoots in before falling down. It won't be long now before she is mobile.
This is a big dilemma for me. Not only do I need to child proof the house (as much as I can) but we have been putting Maddie in the basement when Kat is on the floor. We don't let Maddie be in a position to be over Kat and look down on her. If Kat is spending more time on the floor, Maddie will be spending more time in the basement. And not surprisingly, Maddie doesn't like to be locked in the basement. She wants to play with Kat. Unfortunately, I don't know how Maddie interprets 'play' with Kat. Oh well, it will all work out.