Tuesday, April 15, 2008

wrasseled a b'ar

Or at least that is what I feel like. She may be 90% for height and 50% for weight, but she is all energy and does. not. want. to. stay. DOWN.

Wife tells me that bedtime routine is change the diaper and put her in her sleeper. after the FIASCO of the other night, I had to find a sleeper that had snaps, not buttons.

So I find the sleeper, lay out the clean diaper, open the wipes container, and pause. Pause long enough to find some jOLT cola left over from college and wash it down with RED B*LL. And now it is my eight seconds of exertion.

Lovingly lay her down like I am her loving father. She bounces back up like one of the ladies of R.A.W. So I flop her on her back like I am roping and tying a calf. She twists out and kicks my arm out of the way and gets a leg over the rail of the crib like an olympic freestyle wrestler. TWO POINTS for that escape and she is off and running around the crib like this is a high dollar endurance match and all she has to do is outrun me for two minutes like one of the 3 stooges. I intercept her in the corner, spin her around like dancing with the stars, put her into a dip with all of the panache of a ballroom dancer and drop her on her back like a sack of potatoes. Manage to hold her with one hand while I pick up her legs with the other hand, then take my other hand and rip off the fully LOADED diaper. Then I grab a wipe with the other hand and wipe, while holding her legs up in the air so she cannot escape. I get her all wiped (smearing myself only a little, thanks Kat) and fling her back down on the clean diaper I laid out - quick, attach the side stays and adjust the cheeks for coverage AND I AM DONE! Now to get rid of the diaper as we both race for it (it is a prize, don't you know) and I win (?) and toss the diaper outside.

She has rested those critical minutes and stares me down as I pick up the sleeper.

"Good luck!" she seems to say, "give it your best shot. You are old and tired and I am young and fast"

I hate to admit she is right. I resort to brute force to wiggle her legs into the sleeper and stuff her arms in the sleeves, then flop her on her back and quick snap it up.

It only take five or six minutes, but it is as intense of a workout as any person could take on.

sheesh! and she looks so cute! I really feel like I rode a pro rodeo bull for 8 seconds or wrassled a b'ar, Daniel Boone style. I am gonna need a nap before I go to bed.

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