Sunday, March 15, 2009

I shoulda been a dentist

Little Shop of Horrors starring Steve Martin holds a particular place in my heart because of the fate of that sensitive caring DENTIST!
Wife took Kat to the dentist a week ago and when I got home from work I asked her how it went.
"Sweet Peppers!", she exclaimed, "Kat was fine until we sat her on the, you know, the bench chair".
"What happened then?" I innocently asked.
It seems that Kat was less than enthused about being tilted back and opening her mouth for a sadist, er, dentist. As it turns out it only took two assistants with Jill's help to hold Kat down so Dr. LovePain could check out her teeth and clean them. During the drama, Dr. LPain told Jill that this entire episode reminded him of when he used to clean MY teeth as a young child. Then he added a totally unnecessary comment, "Be sure to tell Kevin that she is every bit his daughter".
Well, Really. Was that called for?
You see, Jill took Kat to the same pediatric dentist that tortured, er, treated me as a 2 year old. And I have poorly suppressed memories of seeing that Fang-Banger. I remember playing in his waiting room with nervous anxiety until they called my name. You know the type, laughs a little too loud and high pitched, frantically plays with every toy for 3 seconds at a time. Then came the short walk into the exam theatre where everyone knew what was coming. I tried to not open my mouth. Sometimes I tried not to walk and they dragged me. One way or another, they were going to treat me. For my own good, of course.
It didn't help that I had more cavities than I had teeth.
As I got older I didn't scream and cry any more, but I didn't enjoy the dental experience. I kind of resigned myself to it.
That all changed late in my high school years as Dr. LovePain hired a young lady right out of dental school named Heather.
Suddenly, I couldn't get to the dentist often enough.
Heather was gorgeous! Outstanding smile (imagine that in a dental office) usually tan, smelled exotic, beautiful hair, and a figure that was guaranteed to distract a hormone crazed young man.
Heather and I dated regularly after that. By regularly I mean twice a year.
And I called it dating. Really she cleaned my teeth and smiled at me. Heck, I wasn't proud. I took whatever crumbs she left for me.
I don't know what it will take for Kat to like going to the dentist, but I know what worked for me.
Like Ross on Friends, I still see that sadist that I started seeing 39 years ago but it isn't as traumatic as it used to be. I have fewer cavities now and actually enjoy a chance to lie back and relax.
And yes, Heather still works in the office.


Jenny said...

Very Cute! Isn't it nice though to have your children be compared to you. I think Kat has a lot of your personality! Wow....I hope we still work together during her teenage years...I can't wait to hear those stories! =)

dietrich509 said...

When we took Brandon to the doctor for his Kindergarten exam, he was convinced that everything was going to shoot needles at him. Apparently the only times he had been to the Dr.'s office were for routine checkups that included his childhood immunizations (unlike Caleb who was there every other week for everything known to man). By the time we got to the immunizations, everyone was exhausted and it was anti-climactic, as he had screamed and resisted every piece of equipment from blood pressure cuff to stethoscope to tongue depressor. Dentists were never a problem, but then ours is a family friend that the kids knew socially and who had kids the same age as ours.

The Microblogologist said...

Dentists are evil.

小小彬 said...

I love it! Very creative!That's actually really cool.