Parenting lessons come from the strangest places

Last week I was able to have lunch with a diverse group of people, five men and a women as part of a networking lunch. The guidelines for the lunch are that you engage in conversation and get to know one another somewhat. Everyone leaves with everyone else’s name and contact information.

The people at the table were a pretty diverse group. I happened to know one of them, the person who introduced me to the lunch. He is a Small Business Owner of a shop. The others were an officer on a drug task force with the DEA, a retail clerk, a farmer, and a business analyst.

Conversation quickly centered around the officer’s experience with drugs and teenagers. With the exception of myself and the analyst, everyone else at the table had raised teenagers. Several questions were brought up about how to spot drug use amongst your kids or the kids they hang around as well as how to avoid it in the first place. In the officer’s mind, prevention starts with toddlers. Parents need to interact with your children every day as they grow up. We need to talk to them, be there for them, know them and let them know that parents are there to help them make decisions. Parents need to be very involved with their children’s lives and spend years helping them understand right and wrong and how to make good decisions and understand that decisions have consequences.

The business owner spoke up at that point to say that he had been VERY involved in his younger son’s childhood and raising him. In the end it didn’t make any difference. In high school his son was arrested for possession of MJ and then arrested a second time in a sting operation for intent to deal. He talked about many of the arguments he had experienced with his son about grass where his son insisted that he wasn’t hurting anyone, not even himself. In the end, the two arrests hurt the entire family emotionally and financially.

The officer said that in counseling that he has been part of, parents need to understand that at some point their children begin making their own decisions. Also, those decisions may go against the coaching and teaching that the parents have spent years trying to develop in their children. He went on to say that too often, he will hear a suspect say that it isn’t their fault, that it is someone else’s fault. The officer went on to say that he calls that the victim mentality. People need to understand that at some point you need to take responsibility for your actions. Just as a person from a very disadvantaged community can graduate from college in spite of only one parent and poor home environs because they take responsibility for their lives.

It seems the decision to make a poor choice ultimately falls to the individual making the choice, not the circumstances that led them to that point.

I spent most of the luncheon listening. My little girl is 14 mos old. I will spend years being involved with her life, helping her learn and grow, understand right from wrong, realize that actions have consequences. I have the best of intentions and look forward to raising her to an adult. In the end, the officer opened my eyes a bit about the fact that I can only do so much.

Sooner or later she will have to make her own decisions and face her consequences, just as I did when I was a teenager.

what a pill!

Kat has spent the day enjoying herself. Mommy was home all day for her and did she CLING!
Today was kind of a lazy day for me. 6 loads of laundry and I ironed clothes for the week. Tanked up the car and truck. Took a nap.
The fencing was a roaring success yesterday. Scott, Bill, Chris and I put in one fence that was 100 yards long, then another that was 100 yards long, then we got two strands put up of the 300 yard fence. All of the posts were in, but none of the braces were put in. And the bolts for the braces were larger than the holes in the braces. We ended up re-using the braces from the original fence. Overall, the fence that we completed looked great. Other than a dozen deep scratches on Bill and Scott, and a wicked sunburn on everyone, there were no injuries to notice. It is important to note that I narrowly managed to avoid being stung by a wasp. One of the braces we removed had a nest on the underside. We discovered this while it was still 60*F and the wasps were too cold to fly. Having been stung twice the week before, I was glad to avoid a repeat occurrence.
MIL fed us a great big lunch consisting of a spiral cut ham, potatoes with cheese, and strawberry shortcake with ice cream.
I got home at 8pm and Wife still wasn't home as she was working on homework. Kat was still awake and very tired. Mom had spent the day watching her which they both enjoy immensely.
I talked to MIL this morning and she cannot thank the guys enough for coming and helping put in the fence. She really appreciated your help and wants you to all know that you can come down any time to go fishing after the rest of the fence is strung. (JK!) I told her that I will be down next Saturday to finish the last three strands.

This morning, Kat perched on the counter and help Wife make pancakes. Kat has taken to gracefully jumping up on the counter when I am not looking, then making herself right at home. She inspected the wisk and when she thought Mom wasn't watching she tasted the batter. First she dipped her right hand in the batter, tasted it, then put her left hand in the batter and tasted that, too.


This afternoon, tho, she wouldn't take a nap. She didn't want to go to sleep when Wife was here to play with and cling to. She finally slept for about 15 minutes when I drove to town to get some much needed supplies, beer and cereal. She didn't sleep again after that until she had spent 45 minutes crying every time Wife moved out of her reach. My holding her just made her cry harder. Finally, after 8 oz of warm milk (for her) and a shot of tequila (for me), I stood and bounced/danced with her in her darkened room with lullaby music playing hoping that she would go to bed. (Reminds me of some of my earlier dates with wife back in college)
Finally, she relaxed and fell asleep on my shoulder. All of the crying, rolling on the floor, shaking my head back and forth paid off and she dozed off to sleep clutching her loving bunny rabbit.

thanks Mom

I would like to give a shout out to Trish for posting poems that she wrote about my encounter with the Skink of the Farm. I thought they were funny.
Mom belongs to a writers group at U of Iowa. It gives her something to do now that she is retired. On days that she ISN't watching the Kat, her favorite hobby.

I accepted a position at work that basically changes my title to match what I have been doing for the last 18 months. I have been a project manager on special projects since Feb., '07. My title has stayed senior buyer and I have still reported to my purchasing manager. Don't get me wrong, I have an awesome manager and I really enjoy being a part of her team. As a part of her team, I don't really fit in. I don't buy anything. I float from one crisis to another and annoy people into fixing their problems by holding their problem right in front of their face 'til they cannot stand it anymore. (more or less).
With this title change, I will be reporting to the department director and she has given me a series of projects to start on as soon as I can.
FIRST, Wife and I are dumping the Kat at G'mas house and flying to Vegas for VACATION. Since baby # 2 will be here in 4.5 months (taking bets - Boy or Girl?) we are going for some senseless pampering. With the hotel deal comes a BOGO free SPA package. So Wife is going to get some pampering with mani/pedi/reflexology/seaweed wrap/mud facial and a massage from a masseuse named Javier. At the same time I will be getting the EXACT SAME TREATMENT from a guy named 'Bruce'. I cannot wait as I have NEVER had a pedi before. I wonder what it will be like to have another man touch my feet. (this reminds me of the time Wife and I went to Madi, Wi to a saltwater aquarium shop and met a flaming enthusiast - Wife laughed her butt off that day. i will have to have her guest post HER version of the experience)
Anyway, I will post again before we leave and will post while we are there.
This weekend is putting in three hundred yards of 5 strand barb wire fence. I am rounding up a great group of people to help but there is always room for a couple more. (hint, hint Loren, you too Stanfield bring Kyle down)
I will post pictures when we are done.

time with Kat, morning and night

Working on the neighbors farm, baling was canceled because it might rain before we got the bales put away, so I got to stay home and make fuel.

More importantly, this means I got to spend the evening with KAT!

When I woke her up this morning she didn't seem to want to be disturbed. This is how I found her, with her head under the covers. I said her name three times and shook her sippy cup full of warm milk. No response. She looked so cute that I went and got the camera, took pictures, then pulled the covers from over her head which woke her up and earned a glaring look to kill. Fortunately, she isn't full grown and doesn't have her full powers so I didn't die, but merely flinched.

Tonight for supper was a bit of this and that, served with something else to round it all off. What we call Leftovers. She dug right in and ate and ate. She had some beef, then soup and crackers, then put the beef in her applesauce and picked up her applesauce bowl and proceeded to stick her face in it and slurp it up with her tongue (note to self, don't let Kat watch dog eat supper). She then put her face down to her plate of meat and gravy and stirred it all up with her nose and chin. All the while she is eating bits of this and that. She ate most of the meat, most of the soup and all of the applesauce as well as most of her milk.

When Wife came back into the room and saw the mess, she promptly took Kat off to the bath, asking why I hadn't been supervising the meal. This, after a discussion on letting Kat feed herself more! I cannot win.

After Wife got Kat cleaned up and the dog got to clean Kat's tray, I sat in Kat's room, surrounded by toys and read different books to her. Goodnight Moon and Barnyard Dance, Where is my Bellybutton and the firefly book. Then we played with the pinwheel and the fan. Then she used me as a pliant Mt Rushmore and climbed up my lap, up my chest, and used my hair to pull her up over my face to try and see out the window behind me. She ended up perched on my shoulder like a bird. Which is really silly 'cause she is a Kat.

All in all a wonderful evening spent with her. I was able to entertain her enough that she didn't go searching for mommy more than once. Well, maybe it was two or four times. Really, we had fun and I am glad that I got to be home to enjoy it. Even if it was messy.

rare lizard sighting in Iowa

While stacking bales at MIL yesterday afternoon, I scared a small lizard out of hiding.

I was astonished. I had never heard of lizards in Iowa. I didn't think it was a salamander, but what else could it be? I had NEVER heard of lizards in Iowa.

It wasn't very big, but it was very fast. I jumped a bale to get a good look at it and thought about trying to catch it. In the amount of time it took to think about catching it, it had run through a hole in the board wall. By the shadow I could see that it was climbing the outside of the wall. I would have had to run around the building or crawl through the calf chute to try and catch it. I decided that I had a BIG wagon of hay that needed to be unloaded and got back to work.

Tonight, I was telling Wife about it (she grew up on that farm) and she thought I was nuts. "Too much physical stress and sunshine without a hat?" she asked. I was not making it up. So I went to our friend, G**gle. (How did I graduate from college the first time without the Internet?)

Sure enough, when I looked up "lizard in Iowa" I found a site that talked about the five known species of lizard found in Iowa. Mine was a 5 lined Skink. Not commonly seen and not on the endangered list either.

This was better than finding and playing with a hog nosed snake!

Kat withdrawal

One thing that I really don't like about baling hay until the evening is that by the time I get home the little princess in sound asleep in bed.
To make it worse, Wife sits around with a smile and faraway look in her eyes. When I ask what she is thinking of, she will tell me the Kat is so cute/funny/intense without sharing the details of what they did that evening.
I do get to wake her up and give her some milk in the morning. Unfortunately, she wakes up like Wife so the first thing I see is a GLARE and then the insistent look of "FEED ME & CHANGE ME!" After that is done I pick her up and dance with her in my arms as I sing her silly songs. While this is fun, it lasts only as long as Wife stays upstairs. Once Kat hears the Wife's voice, the only thing she wants from me is to give her to Wife, NOW.

hay, hay hay!

I just got home from stacking a trailer of 112 bales of hay at my MIL farm. This time I put the hay in a different shed, not the barn. And I got an earlier start so I had daylight to stack under. In any case, today was a completely different stack. This time I was able to stack in pattern with the columns interlocking with each other so that when my MIL pulls a bale down to feed the horses, the entire column won't fall on her.
I may not be the fastest knife in the drawer, but I can learn*.

Public message to Loren and Scott, I will be working on the farm Wednesday afternoon - feel free to come down and show me how it is done! We start at 2 in the afternoon.

*given enough time, coaching, and experience